Suspended In Midair: A Result of Procrastination

I am deranged. You are absolutely insane. With you it’s always the mood swings. With me it’s always the ambiguities.
As ambiguous as it may seem, it does feel safe and sickening at the same time. But then when you get down and was somehow told to sit on a swing, you got pushed too hard. Danger attacks.
Blame Arabella! She shouldn’t have let all her weaknesses exposed. Now has it ever occurred to you why she stays inside the sphere? She was blinded, mate. Her veneer may be cracked but at least she’s not playing dumb.
Oh – and of course I am offended.

I have always been put on hold. And maybe I left my emotions at home. And please do try not to enrage me with your ego in public, you wouldn’t want that and I’d be least inclined to create a scene.
If only motivation can be bought at stores. I’ll buy one for me and more for you.
Don’t mind me staring into the void. You could not exceed my prescience. Now sleep.

"The queerest of the queer, the strangest of the strange, the coldest of the cool, the lamest of the lame, the numbest of the dumb." - Garbage, Queer
"This is confusion, am I confusing you?" - Oasis, Columbia

Disclosure Desired

There comes a time in each person’s life when they have all the faith in the world that they can finally make something happen. Now Arabella has reached the point of no return. It was almost beyond imaginary.

Things she regrets saying. Sights she regrets seeing. Sounds she regrets hearing. Words she regrets writing. There’s no turning back, unfortunately.

Why are you always grey? Why is she always black and white?

Rapture was close and Arabella was hidden within discomforting silence. She doesn’t ask ‘why?’ anymore. She has been disarmed, though I haven’t. I feel numb and cold. Maybe it’s because it’s too undeterminable. Maybe it’s because of my ego. Maybe it’s because of yours. Maybe it’s because it contradicts.

How did I become emotionless, apathetic and intolerant? Or have I always been? Too much ambiguity is not that harmful. I need that luck, by the way, and everything else would be as bittersweet.

Now go back to sleep, we’ll go outside when it’s overcast.

“Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion” – Tool, Schism
“As your time is running out, let me take away your doubt” – Nine Inch Nails, In This Twilight

Rage

Outta my way you prick. You've done too much damage.

Silent Treatment

It wasn't me, it was Arabella. Blame her. It was all her fault. Blame Arabella!

Oh, silence.
A silence that leaves me with the opportunity to feel the need to be motivated by a particular interrogation.
Unlike how I usually behave, I would gladly like to interfere. Mine is limitless.

There are so many things I would like to be told. There are so many things I would like to tell.

I can not yet tell if it was intentional.
I'm sorry, I don't know how to respond to that particular kind of joke.

Go away, stranger. Leave that man alone. But aren't you always there to spoil the fun?

"What am I to do with all this silence?" - A Perfect Circle, A Stranger

Blockage

Isn’t it ironic that what’s been keeping me sane all this time is the inherent freakishness? In fact, it’s the very thing that got me excited in the first place.

Why do I have to see what I don’t want to?
Does every question need a reason?
Do I need to give reasons to ask questions?
Can we quit playing dumb already?

The fact that I’m always right makes me laugh maniacally – and writhe devastatingly. Have I delivered perhaps too many ambiguities? I beg your forgiveness, I unwisely thought it was amusing. My mental clarity had long since dulled.

This disappearance is very, very discomforting. I only sleep when there’s nothing worth staying awake for. And oh boy, have I been held in slumber. I won’t be surprised if I start seeing double, because my head literally aches out of (perhaps) exaggerated anxiety.

Don’t tell me you don’t realize what you already know.
Don’t get fooled by your own tricks.
Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone.
And that character you like to play… I didn’t get to know its name yet.

Or maybe that unusual development was only imaginary. It was all in my head.

Don’t mind this post. It has nothing to do with you. Go back to sleep.

“No one ever died from wanting too much.” – Garbage, The World Is Not Enough
“I’m not, not sure, not too sure how it feels to handle everyday.” – Silverchair, Miss You Love

I don't feel alright

I'm not usually this obvious.

Even Better than the Real Thing

At this point it has appeared in most dreams I have had. It feels safe and sickening – as if being suspended in midair. It was just like in the movies. Revelation, revelation, don’t you strangers all wish for a revelation? I know I do.

It perpetually seizes so much the attention of my seemingly warped mind. I have researched thoroughly and no, there is nothing it can hide from me.

I wish I could conspicuously exclaim it out, like IN YOUR FACE.

On second thought, let the questions remain. It wasn’t meant to be understood anyway.

“Like the dream you know one day will come to life. Try to hold on just a little longer, stronger.” – Faith No More, The Real Thing
“It really, really, really could happen.” – Blur, The Universal