Wednesday, 30 November 2011
This is Not Sabotage
Are you in doubt? Are you in doubt just like I am?
Are you an adult? Are you an adult like I physically am? Are you an adult like I mentally am not?
While you’re so determined to be mature about this, know that I don’t want to stray. I want to stay and ride your train of thoughts and I don’t plan to take the wheel, or whatever they drive trains with. We are closer to the wall than ever before. We mustn’t run too fast or we’d smash our heads right in.
I am retaining, I am maintaining. I’ve been trying so hard to extinguish the internal fire, and now that the flame is almost gone, I subsequently keep getting burned by an external fire that keeps igniting through minor provocations. This doesn’t sound like the initial plan.
It’s the same shit over and over again.
“I used to be over the moon. I am now jaded. I used to fall head over feet. I now stand still.”
I need mental stimulation, fresh ones. Renewed ones. Intriguing ones. Exciting ones.
I’ve never wanted something rational.
Damn it, why am I always asking so much?
“Constant over stimulation numbs me. But I would not want you any other way.” - Tool, Stinkfist