It's Called Neuroticism, Lad.

…and I’m not getting rid of it.

I’m at the peak of weariness, my otherworldly being is at stake. I’m not planning to rid the disease that I’ve created myself out of several emotional avalanches. At least not for now.

Do you know that things start to get bad when you lie to yourself? That’s why I don’t. And I chose to bear all the consequences caused by not lying to myself. Confused? Good.

I’m still busy composing words that could enlighten you. I don’t think I’m qualified to join your parade – I never was qualified to join anyone’s. Thus I embark on my own. But being on the right track doesn’t mean you know where you’re going.

I want more than just observing from behind the stained glass. I carry my torch everywhere I go, but everywhere I go I see grey. I feel massive thuds in my organs. I have hours to spare. I have been through in-depth contemplations. I’m not going to burn all the evidences – but I am not leaving traces. I’m accustomed to that.

A million words I have written in the subject of this matter. It has become the one thing I usually mutter just before I fall asleep. I have given so many hints, but they were just not paying attention. They were too busy being realistic – but then again, shouldn’t we all?

Still busy inventing phrases that could enlighten you. Phrases of thoughts that could only be conceived by such idiosyncrasy.

Whatever I do, I should leave a gap – and so should you strangers. It’s true that striving in this realm had given nothing but insanity, trauma and wild mood swings, but aren’t those my fields of expertise? Things start to scare me at this point, because people made me believe that I don’t have much time left. But I’m bound by circumstances and as far as I know there is nothing I can do that is sane.

If I am not to be given that particular option, then it’s my burden to bear. It’s a path that I would have chosen.

If it’s going to be an infinite endeavor, I might as well somehow be told by now.

Still trying to create subtle struggles that could enlighten you. But here I am, writing a blog that no one reads.

But it’s all in my head.

This isn’t about what you think it is. I’m trying not to sound delusional. But then again it’s only a matter of perspective. Strangers, you are free to interpret this in any way your strange minds would like to.

And I will be disarmed when every word unfolds.

Hush now, go to sleep.